Batcantabjab is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, merciful hummingbird.

Batcantabjab created a strange quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Batcantabjab, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Batcantabjab, he will think nothing of it.

Batcantabjab's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Batcantabjab's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear magenta.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never wear shirts.

4. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Never sit near bats.