Yarganbab is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, contented octopus.

Yarganbab created Mount Everest four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarganbab, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Yarganbab, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Yarganbab's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Yarganbab's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if three birds approach from the south.

2. Never stain your chest with gray.

3. Always remove dresses before entering holy places.

4. Never think about planets.

5. Never eat turnips.