Hassatjad is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, compassionate goblin.

Hassatjad created the planet Venus five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hassatjad, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hassatjad, it will turn you into a duck.

Hassatjad's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Hassatjad's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not keep seven great tits in a large pit.

3. Never talk about optics near nematodes while wearing turquoise coats.

4. Do not wear silicon on your body.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.