Dutgonsiddodkopnutfat is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, emotional hydra.

Dutgonsiddodkopnutfat created life nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dutgonsiddodkopnutfat, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Dutgonsiddodkopnutfat, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Dutgonsiddodkopnutfat's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Dutgonsiddodkopnutfat's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat oranges.

2. Never feed carrots to seals while wearing violet trousers.

3. Learn nine new languages a year.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Fast once a month.