Tafkonkin is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, omniscient naga.

Tafkonkin created the planet Mars three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tafkonkin, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tafkonkin, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Tafkonkin's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Tafkonkin's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with patience.

2. Do not eat corn.

3. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

4. Always wash your face before prayer.

5. Never go into turquoise rooms.