Vagjaplop is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, fussy badger.

Vagjaplop created Europe six million years ago.

If you believe in Vagjaplop, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Vagjaplop, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Vagjaplop's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Vagjaplop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair gray.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never wear brown shorts.