Gumfumvon is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, irritating tapir.

Gumfumvon created the Whirlpool Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gumfumvon, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gumfumvon, she will turn you into a goat.

Gumfumvon's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Gumfumvon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Gumfumvon's name in vain.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never write about amino acids.

5. Do not hurt sharks.