Zagmumten is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, humorless raven.

Zagmumten created vertebrates eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zagmumten, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Zagmumten, he will turn you into a dog.

Zagmumten's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Zagmumten's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Zagmumten.

3. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zagmumten.

5. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.