Bitgarban is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, thoughtless squid.

Bitgarban created the planet Jupiter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bitgarban, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bitgarban, she will have a low opinion of you.

Bitgarban's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Bitgarban's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never leap in the presence of dogs.

4. Hide if six goats approach from the east.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching platinum.