Cudbassarn Jonkapmadrot is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, witty walrus.

Cudbassarn Jonkapmadrot created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cudbassarn Jonkapmadrot, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Cudbassarn Jonkapmadrot, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Cudbassarn Jonkapmadrot's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Cudbassarn Jonkapmadrot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon red earth.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Cudbassarn Jonkapmadrot.

4. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never sing in holy places.