Stanstiphas Panjenkom Cissbampak is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unselfish shrew.

Stanstiphas Panjenkom Cissbampak created the planet Mars five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stanstiphas Panjenkom Cissbampak, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Stanstiphas Panjenkom Cissbampak, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Stanstiphas Panjenkom Cissbampak's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Stanstiphas Panjenkom Cissbampak's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in the presence of dogs.

2. Do not take Stanstiphas Panjenkom Cissbampak's name in vain.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never mention porpoises.

5. Never pour water over plants.