Fudfut Jamfobkan is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, generous unicorn.

Fudfut Jamfobkan created Europe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Fudfut Jamfobkan, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fudfut Jamfobkan, she will turn you into a slug.

Fudfut Jamfobkan's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Fudfut Jamfobkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about black holes.

2. Never talk about eukaryotes.

3. You must never eat aubergines.

4. Do not wear brown clothing.

5. Never sit in the presence of pigs.