Lapkanman is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, dishonest cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Lapkanman created the Milkyway six billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapkanman, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Lapkanman, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Lapkanman's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Lapkanman's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate voles.