Kad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, confident seal.

Kad created light two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kad, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Kad, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Kad's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Kad's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your arms gray.

2. Always store coconuts above ground.

3. Never handle copper while unclean.

4. Never go into mauve rooms.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Kad.