Stanpakwot is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, moody zebra.

Stanpakwot created light six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stanpakwot, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Stanpakwot, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Stanpakwot's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Stanpakwot's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat beans.

2. Always treat dolphins with great respect.

3. Worship no other gods but Stanpakwot.

4. Always make sure there are no manatees in a room before entering it.

5. Never go into orange rooms.