Tarsagkad is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, stupid swan.

Tarsagkad created the Small Magellanic Cloud eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarsagkad, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tarsagkad, she will turn you into a frog.

Tarsagkad's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Tarsagkad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not study deoxyribonucleic acid on holy days.

2. Never bounce in holy places.

3. Do not keep eight dolphins in a large pit.

4. Feed all hungry sharks.

5. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.