Tafsafhamyattstan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, humorless giraffe.

Tafsafhamyattstan created Africa three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tafsafhamyattstan, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tafsafhamyattstan, he will refuse to believe in you.

Tafsafhamyattstan's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Tafsafhamyattstan's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed peas to tapirs while wearing hats.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics.

5. Put Tafsafhamyattstan first in all things.