Cumripkin Larn is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, emotional chinchilla.

Cumripkin Larn created bats four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cumripkin Larn, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cumripkin Larn, she will try to impress you with trees.

Cumripkin Larn's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Cumripkin Larn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

3. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.

4. Put Cumripkin Larn first in all things.

5. Do not dye your hair purple.