Gonyarpmit is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, merciful bear.

Gonyarpmit created tapeworms three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gonyarpmit, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gonyarpmit, she will turn you into a tree.

Gonyarpmit's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Gonyarpmit's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from clay.

2. Never gather four mites near bridges.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Always help sick nematodes.