Tonkhonyik is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, unsympathetic shark.

Tonkhonyik created carbon two million years ago.

If you believe in Tonkhonyik, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tonkhonyik, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Tonkhonyik's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Tonkhonyik's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear white rings.

2. Always wear green.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.