Quimwabquim Yakflab is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, tiresome hyena.

Quimwabquim Yakflab created time and space eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quimwabquim Yakflab, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Quimwabquim Yakflab, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Quimwabquim Yakflab's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Quimwabquim Yakflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about horses.

2. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never feed rice to pigs while wearing orange shoes.