Teenfutnurt is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, irritating elephant.

Teenfutnurt created humankind three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Teenfutnurt, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Teenfutnurt, he will laugh at you.

Teenfutnurt's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Teenfutnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Teenfutnurt on top of all buildings.

2. You must never eat corn.

3. Feed all hungry ducks.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never write about photosynthesis.