Quamgetbopjarn is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, omniscient bird.

Quamgetbopjarn created Africa eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Quamgetbopjarn, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Quamgetbopjarn, he will destroy your favourite star.

Quamgetbopjarn's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Quamgetbopjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. You must pray to Quamgetbopjarn seven times a day.

3. Never feed cherries to gulls while wearing trousers.

4. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

5. Do not cook food in pots.