Bemlarpkar is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, thoughtless spider.

Bemlarpkar created the Small Magellanic Cloud five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemlarpkar, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bemlarpkar, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Bemlarpkar's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Bemlarpkar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Feed all hungry otters.

4. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Bemlarpkar in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always obey Bemlarpkar's priests.