Xintapfadham is a god.

He takes the form of a small, bad-tempered finch.

Xintapfadham created the universe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Xintapfadham, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Xintapfadham, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Xintapfadham's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Xintapfadham's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about spacetime near monkeys while wearing yellow shoes and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your hands.

2. Do not consume pineapples at dawn.

3. Always act with purity when addressing priests.

4. Do not shave your arms.

5. Never pour water over plants.