Somwodpog is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, conceited tortoise.

Somwodpog created dark energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Somwodpog, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Somwodpog, he will jump up and down on your head.

Somwodpog's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Somwodpog's Holy Commandments

1. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Erect a large gold sculpture of Somwodpog on top of all buildings.

3. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not wear dresses marked with black.