Cemflowlap Satkipzag is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, egotistical centaur.

Cemflowlap Satkipzag created the Sun four years ago.

If you believe in Cemflowlap Satkipzag, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cemflowlap Satkipzag, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cemflowlap Satkipzag's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Cemflowlap Satkipzag's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never feed strawberries to monkeys while wearing white shorts.

3. Never look at planets.

4. Never hurt goats.

5. Always make sure there are no doves in a building before entering it.