Hogdagcim is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, uncaring scorpion.

Hogdagcim created viruses three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogdagcim, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Hogdagcim, he will destroy your home planet.

Hogdagcim's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Hogdagcim's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear black corsets on sacred days.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Run away if six ducks approach from the north.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never feed lemons to goats while wearing violet stockings.