Fitgankan is a god.

He takes the form of a large, merciless beaver.

Fitgankan created a Higgs boson six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitgankan, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Fitgankan, he will not care.

Fitgankan's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Fitgankan's Holy Commandments

1. Fitgankan must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Squirrels are not to be trusted.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.