Rutlabstik Japtanarmkam is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, contented raven.

Rutlabstik Japtanarmkam created an electron seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Rutlabstik Japtanarmkam, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Rutlabstik Japtanarmkam, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Rutlabstik Japtanarmkam's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Rutlabstik Japtanarmkam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Feed all hungry moths.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Rutlabstik Japtanarmkam.

4. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

5. Always help tapirs in need.