Volcutmipxinbedgubmoblak is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, generous tortoise.

Volcutmipxinbedgubmoblak created tapeworms eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Volcutmipxinbedgubmoblak, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Volcutmipxinbedgubmoblak, it will turn you into a duck.

Volcutmipxinbedgubmoblak's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Volcutmipxinbedgubmoblak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in blue rooms.

2. Do not keep nine rats in a large pit.

3. Heed all visions.

4. Hide from yellow grasshopers for they are unholy.

5. Never pour water over plants.