Vonkfossfet is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, humane troll.

Vonkfossfet created the Sombrero Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkfossfet, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Vonkfossfet, she will be mildly annoyed.

Vonkfossfet's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Vonkfossfet's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from brown geese, for they are unholy.

2. Never write about solid mechanics.

3. Do not sing in public.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Run away if six great tits approach from the south.