Sasjatstafmidhamlarnbed is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, omnipotent porpoise.

Sasjatstafmidhamlarnbed created viruses eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sasjatstafmidhamlarnbed, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Sasjatstafmidhamlarnbed, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Sasjatstafmidhamlarnbed's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Sasjatstafmidhamlarnbed's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never mark doors with turquoise.

3. Do not take Sasjatstafmidhamlarnbed's name in vain.

4. Never feed lots of grapes to capybaras while wearing white coats.

5. Never speak the names of comets aloud.