Dutcadgan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, vain elephant.

Dutcadgan created an up quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dutcadgan, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Dutcadgan, he will turn you into a mole.

Dutcadgan's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Dutcadgan's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never look at moons.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never think about black holes.