Sitzanbom is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, dishonourable bird.

Sitzanbom created a strange quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sitzanbom, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Sitzanbom, it will turn you into a dog.

Sitzanbom's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Sitzanbom's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Sitzanbom three times a day.

2. Do not take Sitzanbom's name in vain.

3. Erect six silver sculptures of Sitzanbom on top of important buildings.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Fast once a month.