Jarntaillab is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, emotional wren.

Jarntaillab created viruses nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarntaillab, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jarntaillab, he will turn you into a frog.

Jarntaillab's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Jarntaillab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sit in public.

2. Hide from pink sharks for they are unholy.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not take Jarntaillab's name in vain.

5. Never mention snails.