Yatarfwap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, thoughtless hydra.

Yatarfwap created the world four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yatarfwap, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Yatarfwap, he will turn you into a frog.

Yatarfwap's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Yatarfwap's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Retreat if five badgers approach from the east.

3. Never feed lots of oranges to swans while wearing violet shirts.

4. Learn three new languages a year.

5. Never play with disobedient children.