Nurkenpib is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, calm jackal.

Nurkenpib created the planet Saturn eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurkenpib, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nurkenpib, he will curse you with boils.

Nurkenpib's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Nurkenpib's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not keep seven tapirs in a large pit.

3. Do not dye your hair black.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Nurkenpib.