Dadfitbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, competent raccoon.

Dadfitbarn created dark matter five million years ago.

If you believe in Dadfitbarn, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Dadfitbarn, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Dadfitbarn's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Dadfitbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry snakes.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never write about chromosomes.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not wear aluminium on your body.