Volkabzenbafbigtaf is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, calm hyena.

Volkabzenbafbigtaf created a Higgs boson two million years ago.

If you believe in Volkabzenbafbigtaf, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Volkabzenbafbigtaf, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Volkabzenbafbigtaf's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Volkabzenbafbigtaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not trade with those who eat rice.