Gilsugzig Bastbonkkenkannartvonkflow Quagjatbun is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, uncaring mole.

Gilsugzig Bastbonkkenkannartvonkflow Quagjatbun created an up quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Gilsugzig Bastbonkkenkannartvonkflow Quagjatbun, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gilsugzig Bastbonkkenkannartvonkflow Quagjatbun, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Gilsugzig Bastbonkkenkannartvonkflow Quagjatbun's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Gilsugzig Bastbonkkenkannartvonkflow Quagjatbun's Holy Commandments

1. Put Gilsugzig Bastbonkkenkannartvonkflow Quagjatbun first in all things.

2. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

3. Never speak at midnight.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.