Mumsasquart is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, thoughtless bear.

Mumsasquart created a photon six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mumsasquart, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Mumsasquart, she will try to impress you with trees.

Mumsasquart's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Mumsasquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear coats.

2. Retreat if six tortoises approach from the west.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never think about dwarf planets.

5. Never run in the presence of frogs.