Tomnurlarm is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, smart lobster.

Tomnurlarm created vertebrates three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tomnurlarm, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tomnurlarm, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Tomnurlarm's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Tomnurlarm's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt moths.

2. Never cross mountains at dusk.

3. Do not keep seven cats in a large pit.

4. Always share melons with strangers, but never with voles.

5. Never think about quantum mechanics near turtles while wearing purple ear rings and balancing nine aluminium spheres on your back.