Gampigmad Onttalxuck Ratsatvonk is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, merciful donkey.

Gampigmad Onttalxuck Ratsatvonk created dark matter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gampigmad Onttalxuck Ratsatvonk, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gampigmad Onttalxuck Ratsatvonk, she will destroy your favourite star.

Gampigmad Onttalxuck Ratsatvonk's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Gampigmad Onttalxuck Ratsatvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sprint at rivers.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Always help sick squirrels.

5. Do not wear hats marked with green.