Nartmobcum is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, awesome lizard.

Nartmobcum created matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nartmobcum, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Nartmobcum, she will refuse to believe in you.

Nartmobcum's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Nartmobcum's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. You must never eat carrots.

3. Nartmobcum loves otters, so they must be honoured.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate capybaras.

5. Do not covet oxen.