Kamortyarp is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, vain fish.

Kamortyarp created Africa seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kamortyarp, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kamortyarp, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Kamortyarp's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Kamortyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about special relativity near whales while wearing yellow trousers.

2. Never wear kilts.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.