Mutcunmif is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, self-confident walrus.

Mutcunmif created energy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mutcunmif, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Mutcunmif, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Mutcunmif's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Mutcunmif's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cell theory.

2. Do not trade with those who eat peas.

3. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never sprint near voles.