Gunyattzim is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, stupid pig.

Gunyattzim created carbon eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gunyattzim, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gunyattzim, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Gunyattzim's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Gunyattzim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

2. Always make sure there are no birds in a room before entering it.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Erect a giant black sculpture of Gunyattzim in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not covet oxen.