Nellnilvigcim Ortnatham is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, dishonourable newt.

Nellnilvigcim Ortnatham created the universe six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nellnilvigcim Ortnatham, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Nellnilvigcim Ortnatham, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Nellnilvigcim Ortnatham's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Nellnilvigcim Ortnatham's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Never talk about special relativity near pigs while wearing brown rings.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Retreat if six dogs approach from the north.

5. Do not listen to music.