Vig is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, stupid unicorn.

Vig created carbon three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vig, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Vig, she will turn you into a rock.

Vig's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Vig's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. You must pray to Vig nine times a day.

3. Never feed lots of carrots to goats while wearing purple rings.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.