Haslakbellpid is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, merciful octopus.

Haslakbellpid created a top quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Haslakbellpid, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Haslakbellpid, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Haslakbellpid's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Haslakbellpid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce at crossroads.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Haslakbellpid must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never talk about solid mechanics near geese while wearing orange tights.

5. Do not travel during summer.